let past be derr past

let past be de past.let derr story be here & i will forget bout it.cos i found my happiness that i wanted though is not in my hand yet.A=my gd fren[girl] X=a guy i like before.me&A are veri good friends.as close as sisters.me N X,he is my senior in school but i dun reali tok to him.but we get to noe after he left derr school to ite.we two get very well.he will tell me almost everything.& of cos i trust him.but i dun reali tell him alot of my sadness or things that happen that irritate me.cos i noe he is already not in mood i dun wan to dd on his burden so i only be his listener.i guess he wil never noe cos he wont find why i dun tell him what is on my mind.there's 1 day.that was on a chinese new yr.i was eating steamboat at a fren hse.there only 4 of us eating.he call me ask me where i am.i told him.& he took a cab went down to find me.we talk at staitcase till both our stomach actually give out noise & den we went in to eat.strangely that idiot only eat vegetable.something bad happen.i was worried for him.i hide inside derr room.i cried to slp.when i awoke.my frens told me that he went already.i didnt care much cos of too sleepy.main story come..there's 1 day.after school.same me with 2 fren went to derr same place to slack.S=1 of my used to be sister.S told me n my fren{D that she go buy cigarette.as usual me n D sit there n wait.but after a long time i was worried.D went to check.she told me she saw A,S,X sit at another blk.i dun belief n went to see.n there they seated there.furious n sadness came to me.i pretent nth happen n when S came back she sy her dad ask her to go hm.n that A cant mit us.tears eventually wanted to roll down but i bear with it.my sisters n derr guy i like n dote actually gang up to lie to me.i text them tellin them im disappointed.i went to find Z which was me n X derr gd fren.Z heard derr story call n scolded X.but den X scolded me sayin why i told Z bout it.that break my heart more.totally sadness in mind.i dun even want to bother bout them.D told me that actually is not derr 1 st time thay lie to me.there is several times thay mit up oso.i totally break down.is that why they nid to hide from me.lie to me.at D bdae chalet they were there too.we play play play.but they nv noe how i was trying to hide my tears with my smile.X keep beggin for my forgive but i dun bother bout him.is simply a word trust,boy.when X bothers asked them to hold hands infront of me.finally my tears ask me to run.secretly i run.as fast as i can i stopped at a carpark i kneeled down & i cried it out.D run to me.touch on my shoulder n head askin me not to cry cos of them is not worth.i dry up my tears ,carry a heavy feeling walk back to de chalet.forcing myself to smile.and im lucky that my acting is gd nobody actually noe i cried before.derr whole night i didnt tok to him.but slowly,blame it on my soft hearted.i forgib him.but wheneva X n A quarrel he will call me or came to find me.but he never noe when i listen to them how heart pain is to hear best fren n some 1 u like derr story.and 1 thing that he wil oso nv noe.bcos of him i went steady with a guy i dun like.jus to pretent i dun like him anymore.is silly i noe.there's 1 night he actually came to our secret car park to find me.den we wnt to mac to have drinks.when his bros come .X actually want to protect me.so we gib excuse n run back to de car park.that night was derr best memory i have eva have with him.we lie together on de carpark look at stars together.both of us love stars.we tok alots.n i noe 1 thing that make me nealy went to jump down derr car park.it was so lame.he told me that he wil like A was cos that night steamboat she ask him 1 question;you reali want to go meh?'this phrase only.hello!!!i lose to 1 phrase that is so stupid.lol.that touched his heart.pui~..lets go to de last part of story de rest of derr quarrel is small case.last quarrel that make thing back to zero.back to wad we shld be.1-2 yrs no contact is all cos of that...A call me say she quarrel wib X..say how X say how X treat her..n.....but did they eva noe.im in derr middle of no where..i dun wan to bother..reali.why mus i be inside der picture.i call X asked why he quarrel wib A.end up got scolded by him.he say'dun act la.dont think i dunno you behind say my bad words.'i only remember this phrase.when i try to ask him why he say that to me.he text me say im a bitch.overall that what i get back.i can only say i know i have a clear mind n i nv do this type of things.he dun belief me jus prove that he dun trust me.n yrs of thinking.i noe who did it even if he dun tell me.who else will he protect at tt time.who else he will listen at tt time.who else can make him scold me.who els can make me quarrel with him.there onli 1 person..A / S... to X if he eva read til this blog.have u eva think why i can slp on de floor n u slp on de bed.dun go to school jus to keep u accompany de night.n i got scoldiin from my parents.wheneva u nid me i will be there.but when i nid u have u eva been there?look at my changes now is cos of you.but now look back i mus ths u if not i wont have todae derr confident n changes.but i hate you i give u back tis word u give me yrs ago..cos of you i dun trust love.im scare of being i love.and BITCH this word will nv leave my heart.is like tattoo.ur last yr bdae.the 1st yr i celebrate ur bdae.im reali happy u noe.i mus ths to jeff after all..is his bdae make us tok.jus a few words im fine.ur bdae present.i use my sweat my blood to change back de.derr job that i work for it for the money to buy that present for you.have u wonder how long i have to stand with my high heels that make my leg swollen after der whole dae.meals is cigarette with orange juices.jus to save derr money to buy for you der addidas limite addions watch.u dun even noe a thing stupid.but yrs past..i forgive everything you do..n our mistake of knowing each other in a wrong way.all the things oso is what i do no one force me.jus blame it on my silly..if find till a better go for it.